Years and years ago I wrote myself a list of goals. I know I kept it somewhere and it would take me ages to find but I can see it fairly clearly in my mind's eye. It was written on a shirt-shaped notepad that had a tropical print on it made to look like a Hawaiian shirt. Here is how I remember the list:
Paint a piece of art nice enough to hang on my wall.
Write a cookbook.
Write a book of craft and art projects.
Fast forward a few years and I am approaching my 40th birthday. As it turns out I did lose weight and I did paint a picture that was hanging on my wall (several, in fact) and I did feel happy. In fact, I began to think of that stage of my life as "the -est". As in I was the fittEST I had ever been, my body became the thinnEST it had ever been, I was the happiEST I had ever been. It was at this time I began to think about starting a blog and I always pictured my blog being called "the est". The name doesn't work for a lot of reasonss but mostly because it reminds me of a self-help group my friend belonged to in the 80's called EST and I always thought it sounded like a cult.
Anyway, back to the title of this post and the real point I want to make. So here I am a few years even further down the line. I am still in full "est" mode. I have embraced the artist in me. I started running at the age of 40 and ran my first half marathon at 41. I have not published a book on cooking or crafting but I have started this blog which is surely the next best thing. Most importantly, I feel good. I feel happy.
It took me a few weeks to tell people I was blogging because I was self-conscious but when I emailed a link to this blog to a friend her reply was "wow, you are having a real renaissance". I loved that because it's true...I really do feel like I have been reborn in a lot of ways. A few nights later at my book club meeting another friend, who has just recently seen my blog for the first time, told me how surprised she was to learn all of these new things about me...she had had no idea that I painted and gardened and did all these things. She thought for a moment and said "you're like a renaissance woman!"
Well! When the word "renaissance" is used twice in one month to describe you, you need to stand up and take notice! The part of me that wants to be humble agonizes over tooting my own horn but really, and here is the denouement, I can't accept a compliment. I don't quite believe when I am told I am talented. I have a hard time with the idea that anyone cares what I write here or tuly likes my art. And so here we are at my New Year's resolution, which came to me 20 minutes into post-Christmas spin class this morning. I will stop being embarassed to brag about my accomlishments (what is this blog, anyway, if not a spot to brag about them??) I will not deny compliments given to me and I will embrace my newly coined status. I am Renaissance Woman, hear me roar.
(oh geez...this post is stupid. Should I really publish it? What if someone reads it? What if NO ONE reads it? What if it gets hits and no one leaves a comment...then I have to wonder what people are thinking of me...)